Signed, Sealed, Delivered
by LovelyLivvy112
Summary: Takes place during the season 3 promo. John and Sherlock write letters to each other. JohnX Mary in the beginning eventual JohnlockUpdates every saturday.
1. Chapter 1

Dear John,

I don't know where to start. So let's start with the obvious. I'm not dead. That must come as a shock. You've seen my grave at least once. You've probably seen it several times. You're quite sentimental like that. You probably read that as rude and condescending. I didn't mean it like that. It's just an observation. I wish I was more like you maybe if I was Anderson and all of them down at the Yard wouldn't have turned on me. I suppose you want to know what happened that day, that awful day. Well, Moriarty told me when we were on that rooftop that either I die or he'll kill three of the people closest to me Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson, and you. Are you surprised? Probably. You're probably surprised that Mycroft isn't on that list. Let's be honest me and him don't really have a relationship at least not like you and your sister Harry. Maybe you're surprised that you're on the list. You think that you're just my flat mate. You're not. You're so much more. You're the one of the few people that doesn't think I'm a killer or will ever be. Anyways I thought I could force him to call off the hit. I couldn't. He killed himself!

I never expected that would happen. Well I knew there may a possibility but I didn't think there was a great chance. After all the planning he went through to make sure that I suffered. I thought he would want to stay alive at least for that. I had no choice then. I had to "die" so three people that I care for could live. I just had to call you one last time. There was a reason why I called you instead of texting you. I had to hear your voice one last time. I didn't know for how long I would have to stay away before I could see you again. I didn't even know if there was a possibility of me seeing you again.

I've been watching over you. I know that sounds creepy and stalkerish. You couldn't expect me to just abandon you could you? I've been waiting till I knew it was safe for me to come to see you. Then it finally happened. I guess after three years Moriarty's hired help decided that I was dead and gone. I knew you were going to that restaurant that night. I thought it would be a nice surprise. You know? Then I saw you and I realized things changed. It was that mustache that made me realize that. I guess that I thought things would for some reasons. That I would just stroll by you and you would see that I'm alive and things would go back to how they were. That was unrealistic I know. Then I saw you with that woman! I would've that she was Harry if it wasn't for the way that you were looking at her and the way that you were looking at her.

An insane thought came to my head that maybe under different circumstances that we could be together. What do you think John? Do you think it would be possible? To me it does. Can we go to the beginning? Can we rewrite history? Can we jump back to the first day that I met you at the lab? I. I mean I remember the first time I met you at the lab. I asked for a phone and you instantly threw yours at me. Me, a perfect stranger. That could just be you being nice. Later when I used my powers of deduction on you. You didn't seem that freaked out. Sure you thought it was weird that a stranger knew all of these things about you but that's normal. You didn't think I was a freak or anything like that. You didn't seem that weirded out by me wanting you to be my flatmate. In fact nothing I did or said seem to faze you. The only time that happened is when you asked me if I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

Remember when you asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said that I was married to my work. I never denied that I was looking for a boyfriend and you seem a bit flustered I guess is the right word when I said that and you asked me that. Did you think that was my way of turning me down? Is that the reason for all the girlfriends? Was that you trying to make me jealous? I know I shouldn't assume that was all about me but still John I have to wonder. The reason I said that was because at the time I was and besides I needed a flat mate not a boyfriend.

I've been a jerk to you at times. Don't try to deny it. I admit that to you John. My precious John. I was cold to you I was mean because all of this you thought I didn't want you. It was the total opposite. I wanted you so badly and that scared me because I never wanted anyone not even my own mother as badly as I wanted you. I thought maybe if I was mean or rude enough to you that you would just be my flat mate and nothing more. I hated being that though. Plus it didn't really seem to work that well.

I don't even know why I'm writing you this letter. You seem to have moved on and actually be happy. You've probably forgotten about me. No, forget is the wrong word but eventually you'll stop mourning my death and from time to time you would think of me. Now you will be mad, sad, and all of those other emotions. If I send this letter your life may be turned upside down and it'll show how much of a selfish bastard I am. If I don't your life remains the same. Which I guess is a good argument for why I shouldn't send this letter. I've upturned your life enough already. I am a very selfish bastard though. So we'll see how selfish I am. John if you do get this letter just know that I am so sorry for everything that I have done to you.

-SH


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Sherlock,

I have written several drafts of this letter because I honestly don't know what to say. I still don't know what to say. What do you say someone claiming to be someone that you care about returning from the dead? This better not be a prank. You're right I did go to your grave several times. I have cried, yelled, begged, and god knows what else at your gravestone which I thought had your body buried under it I did start to get over your death just like you said I would but then again you're always right aren't you? I did still miss you. It's all the things that I didn't think I would miss that I did. The way that you would refuse eat no matter what because you said it kept your mind sharp. I had to buy food because I knew that you wouldn't. I had a row with one of those registers just because you refused to go to the store. The fact that you didn't know that earth revolved around the sun or rather you purposefully deleted it. Whenever I pointed it out you got so mad. Remember that you said it didn't matter whether the earth revolved around the sun or a teddy bear. It wasn't important though. You probably deleted that to make room for something more important. Every morning I excepted to see you working on some case or shooting the wall even though at that time I thought you were buried 6 feet in the ground. I had to move out of the building because I couldn't deal with all the memories.

Just so you know I never lost faith in you. Even that terrible day when I got that phone call you telling me that you did those things. I just didn't believe it. Not because we were whatever we are after all this time I can't think of a term for what we are. You just don't seem sort of the person that could do that. People are wrong when they say you have no emotions. At that Christmas party when you realized that you made Molly mad and you apologized for that and kissed her on the cheek. A heartless person wouldn't have done that. Sure, you get a little bit too enthusiastic about crimes but that doesn't mean anything. You're just enthusiastic about work. If you worked a regular 9-5 job you would be praised or maybe if you didn't piss so many people off it would be a good thing.

I don't know why you're so surprised that Moriarty killed himself. It makes perfect sense. He's like a typical high school bully or like that man that you went to school with on that banker case but on a larger scale. He was so obsessed with you that he wanted to ruin you at any cost. To him killing himself was just a small price to pay to make sure your life was completely destroyed. I'm glad you cared so much about me. I did question it from time to time. There were times that I thought we were close and then there were times when I thought you hated me. I cared about you too probably more than I should have.

Is it weird that I don't think it makes that you've looking over me? Actually let me rephrase that. It doesn't make sense as much as explain certain things. I could've sworn that I've seen you around but I told myself that I I didn't see you and that my eyes were just playing tricks on me. I knew it! I knew that it was you. I didn't know that you were at that restaurant that night. You still remember that I have a sister? I've only mentioned her a couple of times. I thought you would've forgotten that by now.

Sherlock, yes once upon a time I had feelings for you. I admit that. I'm not embarrassed by that any more. I admit that the constant stream of girlfriends may have been my way of making a point that I'm 100% straight. Maybe we had a chance to be together. Under different circumstances than yes possibly we could've been something else. I would love to jump back in time to that first day that I met you but I can't. Things happened. You died or rather I thought you did. Then I met Mary and she makes happy. After you "died" there was a hole where my heart should be. I couldn't feel anything at all. Then Mary came along and I no longer felt numb.

You're right you are a selfish bastard for sending me this letter. I was perfectly fine. Well maybe not perfectly but I was okay. Then you have to come along and reopen old wounds and pour salt in them. You can't disappear three years and expect everything to be okay. I don't know why I even bothered writing this. I should've just thrown this letter out. Maybe that's what I'll do if I get a letter back from you.

-JW 


	3. Chapter 3

Dear John,

Let me assure you that this is not a prank. This is really me. I'm not going write secrets that you and I know because that's cliché. I already gave you enough information for you to know it's me. Of course I haven't deleted that information from my "mind palace" because that information is important to me. In fact I only remember the earth revolves around the sun is because of you. Don't you see John? You are important to me. I already knew that you moved out of there. I was there the day that you moved. That was a horrible day. I heard Ms. Hudson try to convince to you to stay but you kept saying "No I have to go." Do you know how badly I wanted to come out of hiding that day? I couldn't though. I had to watch everything unfold and do nothing to stop it. There's nothing I dislike more than feeling out of control.

You still remember that Christmas party? That wasn't one of my finest moments. I felt so badly. Molly is such a sweet girl just a little bit awkward. I knew that she liked me. I knew that and I treated her like crap but then again I guess we all did but that night I treated her like she didn't matter at all. When she tried to impress me so hard. What else could I do but apologize. I actually do like her even though it seems like I don't. She may not one of the three people that Moriarty threatened to kill but she's the only one I trusted to help me fake my death. She actually helped me.

Of course I knew about high school bullies. You remembered that guy Sebastian from that blind baker case that we worked. (By the way that was a good blog title) he made my life miserable. Of course not as miserable as Moriarty tried to make me. I made the stupid assumption that he wanted to see me ruined. That he wanted to see the pieces fall into place of his twisted little believe. After this I refuse to make assumptions even ones about people that I actually like.

No it's not weird at all John. It makes sense. Whenever people lost a loved one they liked to believe that that person was looking after them. I preyed on that. In fact I passed you many times in the street but you didn't seem to recognize me but if you did you probably thought that you were just imagining that I was there. Of course you being you thought it was trick of light. You knew that it was me the real me but you talked your mind into thinking it was trick of light because it was the only rational explanation.I was nervous whenever you saw me because it's possible that if you saw me too much something would break. I kind of was your guardian angel now that I think about it. I watched over you and made sure you were safe. It just feels weird to compare myself to an angel. I remember saying to Moriarty "Just because I work on the side of angels. Don't ever assume I am one." I guess for you and just for you I became an angel. I just wanted to make sure that you safe and that I didn't to break you anymore than I had before.

Finally I get to hear you admit that you loved me but that's just it you loved me. You got over me. It's tragic that you finally stopped pretending to be 100% straight and now we can't be together. You fell in love with a nice girl that made you forget that weird guy that acted like he hated you most of the time. You don't have to remind her how to eat I bet. I bet she's a nice normal guy. Let me tell you this John and you're probably already thinking this, although you like living a normal life free of surprises. It is just that a life free of surprises. After a while you will grow bored but you won't dare tell her because she'll get upset. So you'll follow a life that is routine and the most exciting thing you'll do is switch up which restaurant you go to friday night.

I'm glad you found Mary. Believe I am. You deserve somebody, somebody better than me. I just wish that I was her. You know, like it was before except instead you'll give me a kiss on the lips when you come home and we'll cuddle and do all that typical couple stuff. Normal I hate that stuff and that's why I pretend to be asexual but with you it seems fun maybe even enjoyable.

I hate what I've done to you. I hate the fact that I left a hole in your heart and that you felt numb. I thought it was saving you but really I was just slowly killing you. I also thought that sending you these letters would be a good idea. That I would be healing you somehow. I didn't think that I would be tearing open old wounds and putting salt in them. I'm sorry John. So sorry.

-SH


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry I didn't update yesterday. My computer crapped out on me.

Dear Sherlock,

You were there that day? I honestly try not to think about it. That was one of the saddest days except of course the day of your funeral. Mrs. Hudson was crying, begging me not to move. She even offered to lower the rent. I had to keep saying "No. I can't." That day isn't something I like remembering. I wish you had something right then and there. So that we could have avoided that whole mess. Of course you couldn't though. Believe me Sherlock I know how much you hate feeling out of control. I have a feeling that's why you didn't eat that much, to try gain some form of control. That's the main reason of Anorexia. Not just because people think they're fat but usually to get some form of control in their lives. Not that I think you're anorexic though you are awfully slender now that I think about it or at least you were last time I saw you, a lot can change in three years.

Of course I still remember that Christmas party. Everybody remembers it. It was even brought up at your funeral. They thought that you could say anything to her and she would let you I guess you couldn't. At least you realized what you said was wrong. She actually got mad at you. Can't say that I blame her though. I would do the same roles reversed. I can't believe Moriarty did pretend to be her boyfriend. By the way I have a question since when is knowing gay men's underwear trends more useful than knowing that the sun revolves around the earth? She helped you? She never mentioned anything. Well I guess considering the circumstances she wouldn't. God, she'd make a fine actress. I just wish that she would leave some hints.

You actually remember the name of my blog titles? You usually made fun of them even though my blog is how you got so much business. What did that guy Sebastion do to you that was so bad? I knew that you two didn't necessarily get along but I didn't think he made your life miserable. Did you mean something by that bit about not making assumptions even about people you like or am I just over analyzing it? I suppose it must be the latter. I've just been over this letter so many times making sure that I didn't miss anything. That I could be making things a bigger deal than they need to be so just ignore the last bit.

I know that's it normal. I meant you Sherlock being an angel. Nobody would ever think that especially considering what Moriarty planted in people's heads. I guess in a way you are though. Watching over people, making sure nothing happened to them. Either that or batman. I can't tell which one would fit you more which one would you prefer? Sherlock believe me after your funeral I couldn't be more broken. If I was more broken I would be dead.

Well finally I get to hear from you that you had feelings for me as well. I thought that you cared about that woman Irene Adler, more than you did about me. Sherlock, when did I ever say that I got over you? I still care about you and I always will. They were dying done until you wrote this letter of course then I remembered all the reasons I fell for you in the first place. You're right, she is perfectly nice and normal. There's nothing wrong with that. So I don't find odd things in the refrigerator, no skulls where there should be books. I still love her. She was exactly what I needed after you. With her unlike you I know what to expect. Also she tells me how she feels and doesn't keep it all bottled up and I don't have to wonder where I stand with her. I know exactly where I stand with her. I swear there were sometimes where I didn't even think you liked me.

Sometimes though I wish she was you too. That's why you make people think you're asexual. I thought it was for different reasons.

Yeah well it's too late for sorry by the way you do you send letters instead of texting. I thought you loved it?

-JW


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry it's late again. Writer's block

Dear John,

You're right I do hate feeling out of control. It took every ounce of self will not to jump up and scream I'm alive. Believe me many people thought I was anorexic because of that coupled with the fact I was so slender. Surprisingly people still don't think a man could be naturally slender despite that David Tennant guy. You know that guy from Doctor Who? Believe me not a lot has changed. I haven't gained a hundred pounds or anything like that. At most I probably gained like 5. What can I say? I'm blessed. Can we just please just never talk about this again. I never want talk about it again.

Seriously people were talking about that in my funeral. Oh god, now I really wish I could've attended it. I would've loved to see what people said even though I knew that none of it would be true. They would just be saying nice little things and pretend that they liked even though they really all hated me.

Trends in gay male underwear is actually more useful because it can show if the male in question is actually gay. It can be quite awkward attempt picking up a straight male. Believe me, I know from experience. Now you're probably shocked. Having trouble with me attempting to flirt? Don't worry I do too. It only comes out when I am quite drunk. Plus me attempting to pick up men was when I was younger before I realized how emotional people are. Nothing against you John but it's just odd sometimes. It's also for police cases.

Well yes John that was the entire point. She couldn't tell anyone. If she did then our entire plan would've gone up in smoke. Even though you would swear that you wouldn't tell anyone. You would probably accidently tell Mary because you needed to tell someone. You couldn't handle having such a big secret. Nobody could. In fact I'm curious as to how Molly is handling so well.

John, of course I remember the name of your blog titles. I already told you that I remember everything about you. Of course I made fun of them. I had to. It was the closest I could get to flirting with you without getting flat out drunk. Believe me, you don't want to see me drunk even though you would think it would be amusing. It would be amusing for only a couple of seconds. Then you would be spending your entire night watching over me making sure I didn't do anything stupid. I would also be trying to get in your pants the entire night. There's nothing worse than a drunk person to get in your pants.

Please John I don't want to talk about what Sebastian did to me in high school. It's something that I don't like to talk about. It was so long again. Just know it was horrible okay?

I think that possibly Batman would fit me more. Angels are a source of good. Batman is neither good or bad. He simply does what he wants to do, just like me. Which one do you think me fits me better? I bet you're going to say angel. I just know it because you're convinced that I'm a good guy even though I broke you. You keep saying how much I hurt you yet you still say that I'm a good guy.

John, seriously the woman? You mean Irene don't you? I bet Mycroft told you that I fancy her. She intrigued me nothing me nothing less. A person to match wits with you doesn't happen that much. She didn't seem to outright want to kill me. Also, another rarity. John, I'm sorry that I bottled my feelings up so much. It's just hard for me to express my emotions. I didn't want to terrify you. Plus this is the first time something like this has happened to

me. So I was doubly scared. I knew I was horrible that's why I wanted to scared you off. So I wouldn't break you like I already did.

I'm sorry I assume that you got over me. I thought 3 years would be enough. What reasons do you think I pretended to be asexual.

The reason I don't text is because I still don't trust the fact that Moriarty's lackeys gave up on me. They can see that I've been texting you and know that I'm still alive and shoot everyone. Everything that I worked hard for destroyed. Maybe someday I'll text you. I don't when but possibly someday.

-SH


End file.
